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Dear Divorced

Dear Girlfriend,

Will you please re-run a letter from a divorced man from about 2 years ago.

I believe it will be a blessing for a lot of us.

Your loyal reader,

Dear Loyal Reader,

I hope this is it!

Dear Girlfriend,

Let me begin by saying I enjoy your newspaper but never thought I would be writing to you. I have always been a very private man. I’ve never shared my problems with outsiders, not even close family members, but I saw you the other day looking vibrant and I felt compelled to share my story with you. I am not sure what advice you can give me, because my marriage is already over. I have been divorced for two years now. I have concluded that it was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my entire life. I didn’t realize it then but I was living the American dream. Now I am alone. Don’t get me wrong, I hang out with the fellows and I see a sista or two, but I am still very much alone in my soul. This life I am living now is nothing in comparison to the life I had.

I had a beautiful wife, a nice home, two cars and happy healthy children. Now I am alone in an apartment. We were either always arguing or not speaking at all for weeks at a time. One day she told me to get out and I did. Looking back, I realized that was the beginning of the end. The divorce was quick. The house went into foreclosure, my wife gained weight, my son’s grades plummeted and my daughter almost stopped speaking to me. At first, I blamed my ex for trying to turn her against me but later I asked my son what his mother says about me and he replied in a mocking voice “Your daddy loves you very much and what is going on between me and your daddy has nothing to do with you.” I later heard her trying to coax my daughter into going with me but she generally chooses to stay with her mom.

I guess I just want to say if you have a family, keep them together. Somehow we lost our way, arguing about petty things. I’ll admit I cheated. Then she retaliated and cheated., but that was the straw that broke the camel’s back for me. That was just too much for my ego.

I have been with quite a few women since but I realize that I am still in love with my wife and if I could do it all again, I would have never walked out of that door. If I could turn back the hands of time, I would gladly be a much better husband and father.

Dear Divorced,

When I read your letter, I cried. I thought about some friends who are not together that had power and greatness in their union. I believe somehow the devil got in their relationship. I still wish I could talk to them privately together. My door is open, if any couple would like to talk with me.

What are you waiting on? Don’t be proud, make an honest effort to get your wife back. Court her! Send her flowers. If you can’t afford much, send a rose through the children. Tell her you miss her. Send her cards. Tell the children you love their mother and miss what you all had very much. Even if this does not get your wife back, it may save your son from making the same mistake.

I have always felt that divorce was such a selfish decision when children are involved. Me Me Me! What about me? NO! What about the children? Who is going to be there to protect them while you are both dating, starting your new relationships. Momma can’t catch everything and daddy can’t either. But together you will surely have a better chance of watching them. You weekend dads that say you take care of your children, that’s bullsh#t. I had four children and I know what it takes and weekends are not enough. Some of you will find out later, when you are visiting them in jail or bailing them out. Some of you will regret your actions, when your children are making babies all over the city, not committing to any woman because of what they observed about you growing up. Then, you will realize the damaging impact you made. I don’t care if you get mad, get mad enough to change. I write this because this is the truth and sometimes the truth hurts but if it saves your family, I did my part.

You two stood before God looking beautiful and made a vow, but when times got hard, you gave up and gave in to your personal desires and temptations. You were supposed to strive to be like the Cosby’s, or like the Obama’s and if that is too high to reach, strive to be like the Johnsons. We never gave up!

I’ve learned that men and women are a lot alike. They both have feelings and needs. They both get tired and they both run out of money. Everyone wants love and attention. Everyone wants sex, some more than others. Everyone wants to be complimented and bragged about. No one wants to be put down. Everyone wants to have a good time and they should be able to have their best time with you, their spouse.

Please STOP discussing your marriages with people who are not married, listening to what they would not take. If you take a closer look, you’ll find they are taking things everyday off men and women who are coming and going, not helping, not paying nor staying. So please don’t listen to them. You have people out here who have never married and never lived in a complete family unit, telling you how your wife or husband should act and respond. Don’t listen to them either.

At some point you are going to have to stop talking about who did what and give each other a clean slate of forgiveness and get about the business of enjoying and celebrating each other. I believe with prayer, most relationships can be repaired. If you loved them enough to marry them, more than likely the love is strong enough to carry you through. Hold up now! Don’t get stuck on stupid, if your spouse is beating your butt or if you can’t say anything in your house and you are living in fear, I am not talking about you because your azz needs to!

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