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Dear Girlfriend,

   We have been married for 8 years and it appears to me that we are losing it.  My husband pays the bills but he pays me no attention. Every other man is complimenting me but my husband.  At first I thought he may be cheating.  I believe with all my heart, he is not.  I have checked his phone, his e-mail, and he is always timely at home.  I really think he is just getting older.  I am 39 and he is 51. My husband has always been hot and heavy, now he is just heavy.  I am a Christian, I love my husband and I want my marriage to work.  I want to be faithful, but I am not satisfied.  I have found my mind wondering when I look at other men.  How am I going to handle this?  I want to be married but I don’t want to live a sexless life?

Still in Love

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Dear Still In Love,

It sounds like your husband has hit a sluggish stage and is slacking off but not cheating.  It happens throughout all marriages. It’s time you step up your game..  As men get older, they move a little bit slower but they do still move. Ladies I know “we want instant coffee and instant tea... we want instant everything.” Well, get instant out of your head. Instant will be few and far between after 50 and for some men, earlier than that.  This does not mean it cannot be just as good. I think better. This is the age when your foreplay skills are truly utilized.


I believe it is your job as a wife to take care of your husband. The sluggishness could be related to his diet, his stress level or a deficiency. I insist that my husband eat something green everyday and I make sure he drinks plenty of water.  We have to make these things available to them. Vitamin E and zinc supplements can be taken daily if there is a deficiency. Walnuts are known to be powerful for men. So add walnuts to his diet, in salads, or his deserts (over ice cream on top of cakes) and as a snack.   



When men are stressed out they usually are not thinking about sex. They are thinking about that job and providing a living for you. You are going to have to help your husband change his focus when he comes home. He has to relax and get his mind off his problems. How do you do this? Utilize all his senses; sight, smell, taste, hearing and touch. Do you have music in your bedroom? Of course you do. It’s on the music station of your TV. Adult videos are also accessible. A little wine is effective. However, too much alcohol is a suppressant and inhibits things. Cannabis, a hit or two will usually do.  Shower him with compliments, not complaints. A good hot bath together and a rub down afterwards works wonders. A nice fragrance helps. Stop going to bed when you are already dead tired. Go to bed early.


Are you a lazy lover?  Don’t be.. Help increase his blood flow by massaging his feet, legs, thighs and whatever else that needs massaging.  He will in turn want to do the same for you. Go get yourself a massage. Once you have had a massage or two, you will be better at giving them. Do what it takes to keep your marriage and blood flowing.    You say you are a Christian. Are you practicing it? Do you thank God after an orgasm?  Well, I do every time, because I know that it is a wonderful gift from God.  Do you pray with your husband out loud asking to forever be able to satisfy him and for him to forever be able to satisfy you? We do!  The Bible says that when two or more gather in His name, He is in the midst.  You are two, be in agreement and exercise your power within your marriage.  It is written in the word that God wants to be included in all things. Including him! Know that prayer does change things.  Remember you did stand before God and witnesses vowing “for better or worse, til death do us part.”  Every blue moon he may need a jump start with a little pill but he should not need it regularly.  What he needs is a patient, loving, praying wife.  Fight temptation & honor your promise to God.

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