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Dear Girlfriend,

I am so disappointed in my husband. Valentines has come and gone and he hasn’t said a damn thing.  Not even Happy Valentine’s Day. I must admit he has never been good at celebrating holidays but I want that. I knew we had just had some car repairs done on my car and he did not get paid that weekend, So I was not expecting much, but  he did nothing and said nothing. He could have at least given me a card or a cheap box of candy.  I am so tired of his boring azz that I don’t know what to do.  We never do anything, but sit on the couch streaming sports channels. Everyone has stopped inviting us places because we never show up.  Then I see their pictures on facebook.  I just feel so out of the loop and alone even when he is home.  The last time I went to happy hour right after work, he got mad. Now when asked, I pass to keep down confusion. I don’t want a divorce, he is a good provider and father,  but I do not want to live like this the rest of my life either.

Bored in Brandon


Dear Bored in Brandon,

You are the third chick to say something about what their man did not do for Valentines. My question is always “what did you do?”  We set the atmosphere in our home. 

1. You never allow your man to forget something that you want him to remember. Especially if you have discovered through the years that he can be negligent in that department. You should always dress for the holiday.” Did you put on your Pink or Red dress or sweater to look like his Valentines? Did you wake up, kiss your man and say Happy Valentine’s Day...what are we going to do today?. Did you wear your sexiest gown to bed? Then he would have known you were expecting something. Communicate, The objective is to be happy.  Don’t allow him to disappoint you. I help my man succeed at pleasing me. You should apply the same thing for your anniversary and any other special day in your life.   It took years for me to realize that if I have a lousy holiday, it’s just as much my fault as his.

2. Just like you are his sweetheart, he is yours. He may be walking around thinking this ungrateful witch has not said a word and she knows I just fixed her car.   In this age of texting, I’m sure some old desperate ex may have wished him a happy Valentines, or sent him a picture of something...but you didn’t do anything, waiting on him to say it first. If you have a man that pays the bills and is not running the streets looking for someone else to entertain him, count yourself blessed.

3. Ladies, don’t let this day come between you and your man. Please keep in perspective that this is a commercialized holiday designed to make you spend money. Sometimes when men cannot afford to do things, they ignore or avoid the situation completely, thinking, ‘this is just one day, she will forget about it if I don’t make a big deal about it.’ Well men, you are wrong about that.   Men who have been married a while often take their relationship for granted, Valentines is that reminder to do something special that you have been neglecting to do.  Embrace it.

4. You both know your financial situation. It does not have to be an expensive day but it should be an attentive day.  So do what you can do: get cute, smell good, be extra nice to the one you love. Bubble bath and candles or preparing a special candle light dinner, the rubbing of feet and thighs are always stimulating. Talking about what you are going to do before you do it is good. The conversation is foreplay    

5. As far your social life is concerned.  You never should have stopped going but you should have asked him to join you. Even if he chooses not to, you go on. . If all you are going to do is poke out your mouth, and quietly go sit in another room, nothing will change.  Know that you can’t change him but you can change yourself.  . Don’t expect people to invite you anywhere and you have never invited them anywhere. Start showing up to advertised events and you will get on someone’s list.  May God bless your marriage.

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