Dear Girlfriend,
I have been married for 20 years but I fear my marriage is over. My husband is cheating and I believe everyone knows, including my oldest child. I am too ashamed to discuss my situation with anyone. I am literally in tears now transposing this letter. He avoids my family and does not show up for family gatherings. We haven’t been intimate in at least 3 months and the last time we were, it did not work right. We never go anywhere together, not even church. Now the children and I go but he usually says he is tired. Yet, when we get home, he is not here. He says he is golfing. I pretend to believe him, but I don’t. I don’t know the last time we went out to a movie or dinner. I wanted to come to the Power Couples Ball last year but he said, no. We were invited to two parties last weekend and he did not want to go to either one. Don’t tell me to buy a ticket to something, he will go because I have done that over and over and it’s just money wasted. I bought tickets to the Improv, we had concert tickets given to us and last year I had Buc tickets given to me twice and he would not go to any of them. Ironically, he ran to see the game Sunday night at the sports bar with some of his frat.
Girlfriend, I know what you think. You’re probably thinking I must have let myself go and my husband is ashamed of me. I know that’s not true because I can tell the way the men on my job treat me and the way men look at me when I am out. I can get a man but I want my man. I love my husband and I don’t want a divorce. My parents were married until my father passed away. I always thought that we would have the same longevity. I have had friends who are divorced and they say I may as well try and work it out because there is nothing out here for a Black woman and they are so lonely. What can you tell me? Signed Broken.
Dear Broken,
Don’t cry another tear! Do like Beyonce said and put on your little black dress and get out of the house. Don’t give up on your marriage but don’t just sit there and take his bull manure and neglect. This is your life and this may sound cold, but you are responsible for your own happiness. Keep buying tickets for the two of you and if he will not go, take a girlfriend or go by yourself! Think of it as an investment in your marriage. ‘One monkey don’t stop the show’. You must go everywhere and anywhere with or without him. If you never go or do anything, you are boring. Walk out that door before he walks out and leave you for the other woman. It does happen!
For heaven’s sake, stop pretending! If you don’t believe him, tell him you don’t believe him. Don’t let him just do anything without a hassle. Don’t be scared. He married you, that means he loves you. Let him know you suspect something and that he is leaving you yearning. Now that will make any husband nervous when his wife walks out the
door looking good and he knows she is not sexually satisfied. Some men are nervous when they know they are laying pipe. How do you think a man that’s half stepping on his duties is going to feel when his wife goes out looking fabulous without him. That’s right, insecure! That will change the focus from the other woman to YOU. Now don’t get stuck on stupid, you are always supposed to be sweet. No one wants a bitch and no one wants a whore. However you can be a lady and keep it moving. Stop being so predictable. Honey. if your husband will not take you to the party, bring the party to him. Ladies you all are going to have to stop being too lazy to entertain. Things don’t have to be perfect. I remember my parents having cookouts and card parties. You could have game day at your house and order pizza, hot wings and beer. You do not need his permission. Invite company and family members that he likes and have everyone bring something so it can be fun but not expensive. Stop waiting on someone else to entertain your husband because there are plenty of lonely women who will.
Most importantly, “Prayer changes things.” Ask God for what you want and be specific. Have Faith that God will work it out and walk in it. Remember, “Faith without Works is dead.” Now I told you what to do, that’s the Works. Heyyy!!!!